Stop excusing their actions
As a person that psychologically analysis people’s past experiences (to understand the current reasons for their present reaction), I tend to excuse people’s conscious ability to place me in emotional discomfort. In other words, I have made it a normal thing to get comfortable with disrespect; allowing people to give back little, but taking a lot from me. Are you one of those people?
Childhood conditioning
The base of current behaviour is inflicted through childhood experiences and occurrences. How a person is raised, treated, educated, their environment and influences, change the thought algorithm of the child. When these ideas are not resolved and confronted, the pattern will only just be recycled to the teenage stage of the child’s development and further leaked to their adult development. A lot of adult children are still continuing the pattern of the trauma of their past. The problem currently is that people feed into those negative ideas. They use the past as a reference to justify their actions within the current time. Of course, our past is what has influenced our current behaviour and thoughts, but if that behaviour and thoughts are damaging and destructive to current growth, then we are still just developing to become our own worst enemy.
Why do you excuse the behaviour?
The reason that I excuse psychological behaviour- inflicted through childhood, is because ‘I understand’. I take pride in getting to know someone’s past experiences. I pride myself in asking all the difficult questions because subconsciously, I wish for those same questions to be returned back. Only knowing what they have experienced, will give me an idea of how I can help them. Unfortunately, this ideology has allowed people to develop a victim mentality, therefore they are incapable of being accountable for their actions. You must remember that you can develop an understanding and sympathy for a person, yet they must also come to terms that harmful actions they reveal towards you have no justification. Your inability to turn a person down, that is constantly hurting you, is another person’s easy access to tear you down. When we start to grow up, we then start to take control of emotions, thoughts, and our environment, we can now physically remove ourselves from a toxic environment as an adult. We can take the necessary steps to heal ourselves emotionally and mentally so that we can continue our lives and not continue to subconsciously love our past tortures.
Why you haven’t healed from it
With my own personal experience, I can reflect that the issues are somewhat healed. Of course, others may disagree because to be constantly triggered and affected by thought, means that those memories are as relevant as they were when in the present moment of experiencing it. But pay attention to when you consciously choose to bring forth these memories. I am not sure about you, but I tend to bring forth trauma for a bitter point; to state why my actions should be excused and when I wish to bring someone down. An example is a conversation I had with my mum about our childhood upbringing. She was asking why we share bitter memories about her and within that point, regardless on the things she has done to neutralize and make up for the mentality she was in at the time (because we are not perfect), I focused greatly on the thoughts that broke her down. Do not judge me, we have all done this many times than we wish to admit. In all honesty, we are more than able to present a good memory as much as a negative one, we purposely want to be ‘mean’ and to give ourselves excuses to practice disrespectful actions.
